You are the best thing, thats ever been mine.

2010 has been one hell of a year.
and thank fucking godddd it is over.
for real.
it has been crazy.
crazy good.
and crazy bad.
but i see it like this..
if i can make it though this year,
i can do fucking anything.
shit hit me from left and right, and i'm still in one piece.
and i'm even better than before.
so bitches, watch out.
:)

i am having a spectacular start to 2011.
this is MY year.
i swear it.

let's recapp..

- dropped out of TWO colleges.
- joined my dream school - the le cordon bleu of culinary arts in scottsdale, arizona.
- this school, it's a fucking dream. i can't wait to go every single day. it's my calling, i know this for a fact.
- lost a shit load of friends.
- gave somebody up, for good.
- made new crazy just-like-me friends.
- have my mother/sister living with me.
- laughed till i cried.
- fought till i cried.
- screamed my head off for somebody to listen to me.
- lost friends, are now regained friends. except one. best. decision. ever. i missed those little bitches.
- spent new years eve with my bestie. so.. i didn't cry at midnight :) that's a major plus.
- went to a lady gaga concert.
- became obsessed with taylor swift. i listen to her every single day.
- became a better, stronger person than last year.
- didn't accomplish losing weight.. but i like my body. so you should too.
- dreamed of becoming a wedding cake designer/creator.. and am actually working toward it!
- gave up on love.
- gave up on drama.
- gave up on a lot of shit, for the better.
- still smoke..
- still don't drink..
- i have a droid numero dos cellphone :) it's fucking kickass.
- andddddddddddd..

drum roll pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

- ****met the most amazing guy.. AGAIN, and couldn't be happier.****

he is just.. fucking incredible.
seriously.
i can't even describe it.
let me try.
the most inspiration i ever get is when i am in the bathtub, and where am i? lol :)

he is insanely handsome.
insanely funny.
insanely smart.
a fucking soldier! oh my god.
he makes me smile so much my cheeks hurt.
and when i talk about him, i can't help but blush.
when he gets back.. from where he is at, a crazy insane not-so-amazing place, we are going on our SECOND date :) cause the first one.. well.. he was super nervous, and we ended up getting pulled over?! who could have seen that one coming.

he makes all those cute love songs make sense.
he makes all those love sayings make sense.
he makes life.. make sense.

i am totally totally totally trying not to get my hopes up.
cause you all know "oh. fuck. lauren is happy! oh my god, better get her!" - says god
but.
there is always a but.
i believe that this is going to work out.
i believe it.
i just do.

i stay up to all hours of the night to just talk to him.
since he is like.. 11 hours ahead of my time.
just to see him.
just to tell him how much i miss him.
just to know everything about everything.

he makes my heart do that little thump thump thump thing.
it's crazy.
i haven't felt that thump thump thump since my other disaster.
i knowwwwwwwww this guy will not be a disaster.
i just know it.

see, im fucking typing a mile a minute and can't even stop.
my mom just asked me who i am angry at because i am typing so loud. lol.

all i want to do is wake up, and him be next to me.
i do have to wait four months.
april to be exact.
but it will be worth the wait.
and he will be my 2011 kiss.
i am saving it for him.
saving a lot of stuff for him.

even when i had my little crazy breakdown of being fucking scared of all of this, because believe me, i am scared SO bad. so much. of all of this..

..he understood? what kind of mythical creature of a man are you?!
he said it was all right.
and he will treat me right.

a guy.. is going to.. treat me right? that's quite new.

he says all the right things at the right time.
i HATE that he is where he is.
HATEEE it.
it's totally bad timing.
but i get to know him now.
get to ask questions.
get to ask whatever i want.

he doesn't scare me.
i may be scared of him constantlyyyyy telling me i'm beautiful, funny, smart, sexy, adorable, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g,
but he doesn't scare me.

i can't waittttttttttttttt to see him.
i can't wait.

i am SO lucky i get to talk to him everyday.
and see him on skype most days.
for real.
i didn't know that they had that where he is.
had no idea.

i hope he means it all.
i do.
this is my year.
i can feel it.

oh
my
god.
best part.
he liked me when i was invisible!
for real.
in highschool.
he liked me.
in highschool.
when like.. i was crazy with hair colors.
and fashion statements.
and my loud fucking mouth.
that is the crazy part.

sad part, i was so fucking crazy with somebody else, i barely noticed.
i know i liked him.
i knew he was cute.
and i knew i thought we'd be awesome.
it just didn't happen.. idk.

but
but
but
the higher being of life..
gave me a sign :)

i was cleaning out my hope chest.
and what do i find that i didn't even know i had?
A PICTURE OF US.
i don't even remember it being taken.
i had no idea i had it.
but obviously back in 11th grade i thought it was important enough to keep in my hope chest.

movies can't write shit better than that.

okay.
this blog is long enough.
whoever is out there reading,
hope with all your might that this will all work out :)
i need the help, any help<3

I'm shining like fireworks.

hello, world. :)
i haven't written in this blog for quite some time.

where to start..
today was a really weird day.
this year has gone by so fast.
too fast.
too fast for my taste.
i know if it went slower,
i would want it to stop being so slow.
so who knows.
it is almost the new year already.
how crazy is that.

i enrolled in culinary school.
that was the biggest, greatest decision i have ever made.
in my life.

i am so happy.
the happiest i have been in a long time.
my passion is baking.
i love baking.
i love making beautiful cakes.
i love the reaction of the people looking at my cakes.
i love making them perfect.
i put my heart and soul into this..
and i haven't done that in awhile.

i finished my first class on wednesday.
i finished with an A.
and i'm very proud of myself, because i worked my ass off.
my next class is on breads.
i love bread.
i'm very excited.

i really, really love baking/culinary.
this is my passion in life.
i can't imagine myself sitting behind a desk/cubicle the rest of my life.
i need more adventure than that.
i need creativity.
i need masterpieces.
i need divinely decadent food art.
i need to create.
even when i don't have class for a day..
like the weekend,
all i want to do is bake.
i need to perfect things.
make them my own.

one day you will see me, and be so jealous.
i am going to make it.
and i know this is going to happen.
i just know it.

i have made a lot of decisions in my life.
some good.
some not so good.
but i regret none of them.
not one.
and that's how i know i am living life.
i am living life, happily.

i may have some ups and downs, but i have a dream.
and i'm putting my heart and soul into it.
and that is all that matters.

fuck everything else.
fuck everyone else that doesn't see eye-to-eye with me.
that doesn't concern me.
:D

lately.. i smile so much.
i smile too much.
chef always says "lauren, i love it when you smile"
it really makes me smile more.
i am so enthusiastic about everything.
i haven't had this much drive for some time.
and i'm glad i found it again.
i thought i'd lost it.

i have made some amazing friends.
these friends i know i will keep for a long time.
we have shit in common.
we love to bake.
we want to open up a bakery/wedding cake shop.
we have such a dream.. we know it will happen.

these girls are just like me.
sweet, but when fucked with, your worst nightmare.
i love that we see things the same.
we will be the nicest ever until you fuck with us.

i've had a reoccurring dream lately.
i don't know where it is coming from.
it isn't bothering me.
it's just like.. what if.
you know?

i have listened to the new taylor swift album for 3 weeks straight.
nothing else, but taylor swift.
her new album.. it is so perfect for everything.
i can relate SO much. she is perfect.
she really knows how to capture the emotions.

i'm going to post some lyrics.
i really love this song.
i love all her songs.
i will only post one for now.
i might post the rest at a later date.
but this one..
this one is the one for right now.

Dear John
by Taylor Swift

Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you
Counting my footsteps,
praying the floor won't fall through, again
My mother accused me of losing my mind,
but I swore I was fine
You paint me a blue sky
and go back and turn it to rain
And I lived in your chess game,
but you changed the rules every day
Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone
tonight
Well I stopped picking up, and this song is to let you know why

Dear John,
I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress,
cried the whole way home.
I should've known

Well maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame
Maybe it's you and your sick need to give love then take it away
And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand
And I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said "run as fast as you can"

Dear John,
I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress,
cried the whole way home

Dear John,
I see it all, now it was wrong
Don't you think 19 is too young to be played by your dark twisted games, when I loved you so?
I should've known

You are an expert at sorry,
and keeping lines blurry
Never impressed by me acing your tests
All the girls that you run dry
with tired, lifeless eyes
cause you burned them out
But I took your matches before fire could catch me,
so don't look now:
I'm shining like fireworks over your sad, empty town.

Dear John,
I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress,
cried the whole way home.
I see it all now that you're gone

Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress wrote you a song
You should've known
You should've known
Don't you think I was too young?
You should've known.

This is going to be a good year.

life is good. :)
no drama.
no bitches.
just fun & zombies.

xoxo

I'll pray for you.

so, i'm twenty.
no longer a teen.
not yet an official adult.

this year has been crazy.
like seriously.
i-n-s-a-n-e.

a year ago.. wow.
so much has changed.
really.

let's see..
last august,
best time ever.
thought it would never end.
best summer ever.

everything was great.
it was so much fun.
all the time.

then summer ended.
and shit went downhill, quick.

let's see..
bff's bf turned drug addict.
that was a mess.
october this happened.
big drama.

i left nau in december.

gave up on somebody finally.
best decision i've ever made.

moved to california for six months in janurary.
got to know my madre and sister.

moved back to arizona in may.
had a great summer.

in july,
bitches fucked up in the end.
i'm still not sorry for anything.
and i never will be.

and here we are.
i'm still here in one piece.
and you know what?
life is good.

i'm in college.
i have amazing friends who stand by my side.
i have my mother and sister in my life.
i have people i can turn to for anything.
i'm not a slut, like some people.
i'm not a lying bitch, like some people.
i'm not a hypochondriac, like some people.
i'm not a loser, like some people.

i'm going to make something of my life.
you on the other hand,
well sweetheart,
both of you,
goodluck.
you are going to need it with the way you are going about your lives.

goodluck on the crazy highschool drama.
goodluck on the pregnancy scares.
goodluck on knowing who the baby daddy is, god knows you don't know.
goodluck on make believe illnesses.
goodluck on gossip.
goodluck on shit talking behind people's backs.
goodluck on finding a place to live.
goodluck on finishing college when we all know you are both failing.
goodluck on hating eachother secretly, that's really cute and all.
goodluck on becoming alcoholics.
goodluck on not giving a shit about anything or anybody but yourself.
and one more thing..

when you are both all alone,
which you will be, because honestly,
you can't hold a friendship together if your life depended on it,
i want you to think of me.
and think how i'd walk through fire for either of you.
and think to yourself,
"well.. i fucked up. shit. lemme call lauren."
because you know what?
i won't be there.
and you'll have not one person to help you.
because you both are destructive.
you both are pathetic.
and you both are most certainly going to have incredibly, insanely, drama-filled, highschool non-sense, slut filled lives.

i really hope the best for you.
:)

oh and one more thing, again..
trying to be my best friend's friend,
nice try.
that was real cute.
but a word of advice,
don't fuck with me.
you KNOW i will fuck with you x10 harder.

we saw that happen already.
we all know what i can do.
i didn't even spill the half of it.

i really find it quite precious that i'm so much better than the two of you.
it really makes me smile in the morning, knowing that i'm going to make something of my life, and you just.. well.. really aren't.

this blog entry isn't even being spiteful.
i'm completely over everything.
over the bullshit.
over the lies.
over the drama.
over the fucking whore shit that happened.
over it.

this blog is to remind you two, for one,
STOP READING MY BLOG.
two,
i really hope you made the right decisions.
and three,
you both fucked up enormously.

i had to remind you. :)
you know, cause you two are pretty fucking stupid.

that is all.

:) have a nice day.

Fact : I don't give a fuck anymore :)

fuck you.
:)

your world is going to become crashing down very soon.
hold your breathe.
count to ten.
and when you least expect it,
you'll be alone once again.

you fucked up.
and since you obviously wanted a bitch so bad,
you most certainly got one.

have a nice day.
=)

Don't fuck with something you can't finish.

it is totally not fair.
but life isn't fair, right? :)


totally off subject,
i love marilyn monroe.
i'm going to name my future baby marilyn.
lol!

back to subject..
this sucks.
like really.
and he totally created this
out of thin air
for what?
fun?
lol.
asshole.
like seriously.
you are an asshole.
don't fuck with something you can't finish.
xoxo

Summertime is here.

you, my friend.. are going to cause a lot of drama.
but definitely some much needed adventure.
hope we can all live through this.
xoxo