Uhh.. I think i'll pass.

so.
i go swimming here like, everyday.
and hottubing, like everyday.
cause it's boring.
but it's chill i guess.
and everyday,
this guy shows up 5 minutes after me
and talks to me
and flirts
and all kinds of stuff
and tells me his life story
everyday.

today,
he asked me on a date.
he's 31.
to go bowling.

and he even said when he asked me my age,
that i'm still a baby.

like wtf.
that's sweet and all,
and i said i'm leaving in 2 days to go back to arizona
and whatev you know?

i think i'll pass.
i like someone else.
and let's not fuck that one up.

and tomorrow when i go swimming
he's going to ask me when i want to go bowling
and i'm a nice girl, right?
i don't want to be mean,
and be like,
well,
you are too old for me,
and not my type,
and i'm interested in someone else,

how do i even say that nicely.
LOL.

i feel hella bad.
cause he thinks he has a chance,
with this cute 19 year old, haha.
and in reality, he doesn't.

oh well.
i will think of something.
besides thattttttt..

i still get butterflies whenever i talk to this one guy.
imisshim.
x10.
<3

She finally made it.

so she finally did it.
my mother is finally free.
she's off parole.
all her charges have been dropped.
nothing is on her record at all.
her lawyer said she could be a fucking cop if she wanted to.
LOL.
she kinda wants to work in the court systems.
that's funny.
but she can do it.
:)
i'm proud of her.
i'm happy she finally made it,
in time to be with my sister.

it just makes me wonder
if she did this
15 years ago,
how different my life would be.
you know?

i always used to watch the television show "gilmore girls"
and i ALWAYS wished my mother and me had that kind of relationship
cause come on
i was raised by grandparents.
my nana is amazing.
and i wouldn't trade anything for that.
but she is from a different time.
she's older.
she has different views.
i always used to wonder
if my mom were around,
since she was closer to my age,
what her views were,
what she wondered,
if we would ever be close like the people on gilmore girls.
lol.

me and my nana,
we are very close.
i tell her just about everything.
she's my hero.

i'm happy for my mother,
next time don't take to long.
xoxo

And like whores in bed.

it's totally the truth.
i want to be "woo'd".
i like being chased, pursued, wanted.
i like being treated like a princess.
the whole gentleman thing, hugeeeeeeeee plus.
but once that door closes,
and no one can see us,
totalllyyyy different story.
and you know it.
which isn't bad at all.
:)

E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g

you are the most incredible person i've ever met in my life.
and i am so lucky to have you as my best friend.
you just have like.. no idea.
i hung out with my bff stephen today.
i've missed him SO much.
and we just talked about everything.
everything.
e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.
it was great.
it was like.. we were never apart.
he's seriously my other half.
i love him so much.
totally platonicly.
he's the most amazing person i've ever met.
and we've been through so much shit.
and so many people have taken advantage of us.
and we put up with it.
and put up with it.
and put up with it.
then we just stop.
and leave them behind.
and you know what?
they are STILL losers.
after all this time.
and where are we?
living our lives.
becoming something.
falling in love.
being spontaneous.
doing shit for no reason.
stephen and me.. i think we're fucking incredible.
and i do miss the old man.
when i see him again,
i'll give him a huge hug.
and probably cry.
i do miss him.
i hate him for what he did to you.
i will hate him for a long time.
but i miss him so much.
and i wish he never fucked up.
i want things to go back to the way they were.
it was incredible.
and stephen.
i learned tonight,
we are so close.
we shared things,
things that should never be spoken.
he's literally my other half.
i'm so lucky he's in my life.
he is the funniest,
most down to earth,
reliable,
crazy,
amazing person i've ever met.
i don't know if you read this,
but i do love you to death.
and if you EVER find that profile,
i'll die.
lol.
not really.
but still.
you are incredible.
i swear i'm coming back.
<3

You and me could write a bad romance.

i don't know what happened.
i got scared.
like really scared.
out of no where.
like bam.
and there it was.
and there i went.
i bolted.
i left.
i just left. :/

i don't know what happened.
i really like him.
like.. more than i should.
it's weird.
i barely know him.
maybe that's it.
maybe it's not.
maybe i'm just a girl scared of commitment.
i do know this.
i don't want to be hurt again.
i know that.
but i honestly think.. he wouldn't hurt me.
so i don't fucking know.

he's sweet.
he's funny.
he holds doors open for me.
he's insanely handsome.
he has a personality.
he's not mean.
he's not a jerk.
totally not what im used to.
i'm not complaining, just not used to this.
it's fucking crazy.

i already miss him.
i woke up this morning,
and i was sad he wasn't next to me.
i was sad his arms weren't around me.
how lame is that?
totally lame.
cause i'm the one that left.
i just left.
i didn't even talk to him about it.
i'm a mean person, i swear.

i know one thing.
i want him.
i know that.
he's great.
i don't know what my problem is.
xoxo
<3
you and me could write a bad romance.

Girly fucking moment.

lol,
i read something,
and i fell apart.
all over again.
LOL.
such a girly moment.
i re-thought all my plans.
i actually double guessed myself.
because of your stupid fucking bitch ass.
can you believe that?
it really pissed me off.
like.. i don't even know why i was so mad.
i mean.. i KNOW why i'm mad.
but seriously.
it's just ridiculous.
girly moment.
fucking girly moment.
done.
xoxo

Definately Happening.

i've decided.. i'm getting these tattoo's.
soon.
:)
especially the one on top.
that's definately happening somewhere on my body.