Single doesn't always mean available.

it's true.



you can be single all you want.
but it doesn't matter.
it doesn't change anything.

sometimes you are a mess.
sometimes it's the wrong time.
sometimes honesty hurts.
sometimes you have other plans.
sometimes you're not over someone.
sometimes you can't move on.
sometimes you want to tell the world to just fuck off for a little bit.
sometimes you just don't care.
sometimes they are too far away.
sometimes it's impossible as of now.
sometimes life happens, and there is nothing you can do about it but wait it out and pray the outcome is to your liking, which it might not always be.

you can flirt all you want.
but it won't change the fact,
single doesn't mean available.

saying "hi beautiful"
or "i want to see your adorable face"
or "just be with me"
or "you are always cute"
or "maybe i want a mess"
or "i'll be your clean freak"
or "i'd never hurt you"
or even "i love you"

it doesn't matter.
i may be passing up a chance.
at something.
i don't even know what.
but it doesn't matter.

single doesn't mean available.
not yet.
not right now.

and as much as a flirt with someone
and as much as i want to be with him
and as much as he is out of my reach
i will always remain the best friend.
always.
9 hours in the future, is a lot.
it's far.
and every single time
he says he is going on a date
or likes some cute girl
i will think
in the back of my mind
"i wish that were me."

every
single
time.

i refuse to be the slut this time.
i refuse to do it.
i am better than that.
and i know it.

i can't just get over shit, just like that.
i need to become brave again.
i need to take chances.

i do not put myself out there.
i haven't for awhile now.
and it's good for me.
it keeps me un-attached.
it keeps me sane.
it keeps me.. safe.

this is all honesty.

but one day,
i'll be out there again.
i'll attach myself, slowly.
i'll be vulnerable, but excited.

i do not wish to be hurt again.
at this time.
so stop.