Walk away, with a smile on my face.

i had a dream about you last night.


i didn't think i'd ever have one about you again.
but around 5am,
i woke up.
and i can still feel your body pressed up against mine.
i kinda just laid there.
and tried to go back to sleep.
so i could finish my dream,
but i can't even remember it.
all i know,
is it was about you.

besides that,
i've realized i don't know what i want to do with my life.
i really have no idea.
i don't know what profession i want.
i don't have a clue.

i've laid here for about 30 minutes.
i can hear the wind outside.
and all i can think about,
is how i want to drop out of college.
get a job.
write a book.
and travel the world.

but that's super unrealistic.
i wish i could do just that.
and figure some shit out.
get away from it all.

it's not running away.
it's taking the time,
i didn't have before,
to figure out what i want to do.

i've always done what others want me to do.
i never really asked myself,
what do i want?
i went to college to be a therapist.
because that's what my parents wanted me to be.
and now that i'm in college,
on my second year,
i'm unhappy.
i do not want to be a therapist.
i'm failing.
and don't even care.

i'm in so much shit.
it's not even funny.
i've lied to my family,
to make them happy.
and now that i tell them,
i don't want to be a therapist.
i don't know what i want to be.
oh, and by the way, i'm failing.
it's super fun at home.

i think i might be a nurse.
i know i want to help people.
and i know i want a hectic schedual.
i don't want free time.
well, yes, i do want free time.
but i want to be so busy,
i can't think about anything else.

besides that,
i wish things were different.
i wish you had the courage to tell me,
straight to my face,
not hiding like a fucking pussy,
that i was nothing to you.
<3

i want to hear it.
i want to see you say it.
then i can slap you,
walk away,
with a smile on my face.

goodmorning, world.
xoxo