I just want to tell you one thing.

arizona, here i come.



sooo.. going back for the summer.
hopefully for school too.
back to that small little town.
full of boredem.
full of drama.
everyone knows everyone there.
if you go to the fucking store,
you see like 15 people you know.
every
single
time.
but it's not all that bad.
i miss my friends.
i miss my nana.
i miss my house.
so it's chill.

i don't miss a lot of things,
but i'll be sure to avoid most of it.
although, it's super impossible
to avoid people in this town,
like seriously.
you WILL see them eventually.
which totally sucks, but that's life.

i do have a lot of friends there.
in arizona.
so it's not going to be crazy boring.
and i do like chilling at home every once in awhile.

i don't have high hopes chilling with stephen a lot this summer.
i know cristina and cori will always be around.
i could always chill with stephanie and make fun of zack.
and a crazy list of friends for certain occasions like the movies or getting food.
and of course road tripping to see a certain someone in norcal.
unless HE IS AMAZING and visits me instead ;) winkwink

haha and my neighborhood,
lol.
no more walks for me.
don't wanna run into anyone.
i don't even know what i would say.
i don't think i'd say anything.
after crazy shit happened,
you know what i did?
i packed my shit
and split.
like within a month.
i was gone.
which was pretty good in the long run.
bonded with my mother.
faught with my sister, but still bonded.
met an amazing guy.
had some new experiences.
it was worth it.
and i think if i would not have standed up for myself,
and just let him do that to me,
over and over,
i would still be stuck in that little town
with the same drama,
and you know what?
i'm over it.
and life is good.

i just want to tell you one thing.
i am better than you.
i am better than you'll ever be.
and for all that stupid shit that we pulled,
it was pathetic.
and you are pathetic.
you will never have a functional relationship as long as you live.
and if you ever find a girl that will put up with you long enough to keep you around, i feel honestly bad for her.
because you are a horrible person.
and you will always be a horrible person.
you will never change.
as much as you think you've changed,
and as much as you think you can get whatever the fuck you want,
you can't,
and you never will.

thats all i have to say.
and this will be the last time i write about you.
this chapter in my life is over.
and when i write my crazy award winning book,
that's what you'll be.
one f-u-c-k-i-n-g chapter.

you want to know why?
i'm better than that.
i have dignity.
and i am a much stronger person than you.
i don't hide behind shit.
i may run occasionally,
but i face my problems,
unlike you.

:)

oh and p.s -- i'm doing great.
without you.
xoxo

Uhh.. I think i'll pass.

so.
i go swimming here like, everyday.
and hottubing, like everyday.
cause it's boring.
but it's chill i guess.
and everyday,
this guy shows up 5 minutes after me
and talks to me
and flirts
and all kinds of stuff
and tells me his life story
everyday.

today,
he asked me on a date.
he's 31.
to go bowling.

and he even said when he asked me my age,
that i'm still a baby.

like wtf.
that's sweet and all,
and i said i'm leaving in 2 days to go back to arizona
and whatev you know?

i think i'll pass.
i like someone else.
and let's not fuck that one up.

and tomorrow when i go swimming
he's going to ask me when i want to go bowling
and i'm a nice girl, right?
i don't want to be mean,
and be like,
well,
you are too old for me,
and not my type,
and i'm interested in someone else,

how do i even say that nicely.
LOL.

i feel hella bad.
cause he thinks he has a chance,
with this cute 19 year old, haha.
and in reality, he doesn't.

oh well.
i will think of something.
besides thattttttt..

i still get butterflies whenever i talk to this one guy.
imisshim.
x10.
<3

She finally made it.

so she finally did it.
my mother is finally free.
she's off parole.
all her charges have been dropped.
nothing is on her record at all.
her lawyer said she could be a fucking cop if she wanted to.
LOL.
she kinda wants to work in the court systems.
that's funny.
but she can do it.
:)
i'm proud of her.
i'm happy she finally made it,
in time to be with my sister.

it just makes me wonder
if she did this
15 years ago,
how different my life would be.
you know?

i always used to watch the television show "gilmore girls"
and i ALWAYS wished my mother and me had that kind of relationship
cause come on
i was raised by grandparents.
my nana is amazing.
and i wouldn't trade anything for that.
but she is from a different time.
she's older.
she has different views.
i always used to wonder
if my mom were around,
since she was closer to my age,
what her views were,
what she wondered,
if we would ever be close like the people on gilmore girls.
lol.

me and my nana,
we are very close.
i tell her just about everything.
she's my hero.

i'm happy for my mother,
next time don't take to long.
xoxo

And like whores in bed.

it's totally the truth.
i want to be "woo'd".
i like being chased, pursued, wanted.
i like being treated like a princess.
the whole gentleman thing, hugeeeeeeeee plus.
but once that door closes,
and no one can see us,
totalllyyyy different story.
and you know it.
which isn't bad at all.
:)

E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g

you are the most incredible person i've ever met in my life.
and i am so lucky to have you as my best friend.
you just have like.. no idea.
i hung out with my bff stephen today.
i've missed him SO much.
and we just talked about everything.
everything.
e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.
it was great.
it was like.. we were never apart.
he's seriously my other half.
i love him so much.
totally platonicly.
he's the most amazing person i've ever met.
and we've been through so much shit.
and so many people have taken advantage of us.
and we put up with it.
and put up with it.
and put up with it.
then we just stop.
and leave them behind.
and you know what?
they are STILL losers.
after all this time.
and where are we?
living our lives.
becoming something.
falling in love.
being spontaneous.
doing shit for no reason.
stephen and me.. i think we're fucking incredible.
and i do miss the old man.
when i see him again,
i'll give him a huge hug.
and probably cry.
i do miss him.
i hate him for what he did to you.
i will hate him for a long time.
but i miss him so much.
and i wish he never fucked up.
i want things to go back to the way they were.
it was incredible.
and stephen.
i learned tonight,
we are so close.
we shared things,
things that should never be spoken.
he's literally my other half.
i'm so lucky he's in my life.
he is the funniest,
most down to earth,
reliable,
crazy,
amazing person i've ever met.
i don't know if you read this,
but i do love you to death.
and if you EVER find that profile,
i'll die.
lol.
not really.
but still.
you are incredible.
i swear i'm coming back.
<3