You are the best thing, thats ever been mine.

2010 has been one hell of a year.
and thank fucking godddd it is over.
for real.
it has been crazy.
crazy good.
and crazy bad.
but i see it like this..
if i can make it though this year,
i can do fucking anything.
shit hit me from left and right, and i'm still in one piece.
and i'm even better than before.
so bitches, watch out.
:)

i am having a spectacular start to 2011.
this is MY year.
i swear it.

let's recapp..

- dropped out of TWO colleges.
- joined my dream school - the le cordon bleu of culinary arts in scottsdale, arizona.
- this school, it's a fucking dream. i can't wait to go every single day. it's my calling, i know this for a fact.
- lost a shit load of friends.
- gave somebody up, for good.
- made new crazy just-like-me friends.
- have my mother/sister living with me.
- laughed till i cried.
- fought till i cried.
- screamed my head off for somebody to listen to me.
- lost friends, are now regained friends. except one. best. decision. ever. i missed those little bitches.
- spent new years eve with my bestie. so.. i didn't cry at midnight :) that's a major plus.
- went to a lady gaga concert.
- became obsessed with taylor swift. i listen to her every single day.
- became a better, stronger person than last year.
- didn't accomplish losing weight.. but i like my body. so you should too.
- dreamed of becoming a wedding cake designer/creator.. and am actually working toward it!
- gave up on love.
- gave up on drama.
- gave up on a lot of shit, for the better.
- still smoke..
- still don't drink..
- i have a droid numero dos cellphone :) it's fucking kickass.
- andddddddddddd..

drum roll pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

- ****met the most amazing guy.. AGAIN, and couldn't be happier.****

he is just.. fucking incredible.
seriously.
i can't even describe it.
let me try.
the most inspiration i ever get is when i am in the bathtub, and where am i? lol :)

he is insanely handsome.
insanely funny.
insanely smart.
a fucking soldier! oh my god.
he makes me smile so much my cheeks hurt.
and when i talk about him, i can't help but blush.
when he gets back.. from where he is at, a crazy insane not-so-amazing place, we are going on our SECOND date :) cause the first one.. well.. he was super nervous, and we ended up getting pulled over?! who could have seen that one coming.

he makes all those cute love songs make sense.
he makes all those love sayings make sense.
he makes life.. make sense.

i am totally totally totally trying not to get my hopes up.
cause you all know "oh. fuck. lauren is happy! oh my god, better get her!" - says god
but.
there is always a but.
i believe that this is going to work out.
i believe it.
i just do.

i stay up to all hours of the night to just talk to him.
since he is like.. 11 hours ahead of my time.
just to see him.
just to tell him how much i miss him.
just to know everything about everything.

he makes my heart do that little thump thump thump thing.
it's crazy.
i haven't felt that thump thump thump since my other disaster.
i knowwwwwwwww this guy will not be a disaster.
i just know it.

see, im fucking typing a mile a minute and can't even stop.
my mom just asked me who i am angry at because i am typing so loud. lol.

all i want to do is wake up, and him be next to me.
i do have to wait four months.
april to be exact.
but it will be worth the wait.
and he will be my 2011 kiss.
i am saving it for him.
saving a lot of stuff for him.

even when i had my little crazy breakdown of being fucking scared of all of this, because believe me, i am scared SO bad. so much. of all of this..

..he understood? what kind of mythical creature of a man are you?!
he said it was all right.
and he will treat me right.

a guy.. is going to.. treat me right? that's quite new.

he says all the right things at the right time.
i HATE that he is where he is.
HATEEE it.
it's totally bad timing.
but i get to know him now.
get to ask questions.
get to ask whatever i want.

he doesn't scare me.
i may be scared of him constantlyyyyy telling me i'm beautiful, funny, smart, sexy, adorable, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g,
but he doesn't scare me.

i can't waittttttttttttttt to see him.
i can't wait.

i am SO lucky i get to talk to him everyday.
and see him on skype most days.
for real.
i didn't know that they had that where he is.
had no idea.

i hope he means it all.
i do.
this is my year.
i can feel it.

oh
my
god.
best part.
he liked me when i was invisible!
for real.
in highschool.
he liked me.
in highschool.
when like.. i was crazy with hair colors.
and fashion statements.
and my loud fucking mouth.
that is the crazy part.

sad part, i was so fucking crazy with somebody else, i barely noticed.
i know i liked him.
i knew he was cute.
and i knew i thought we'd be awesome.
it just didn't happen.. idk.

but
but
but
the higher being of life..
gave me a sign :)

i was cleaning out my hope chest.
and what do i find that i didn't even know i had?
A PICTURE OF US.
i don't even remember it being taken.
i had no idea i had it.
but obviously back in 11th grade i thought it was important enough to keep in my hope chest.

movies can't write shit better than that.

okay.
this blog is long enough.
whoever is out there reading,
hope with all your might that this will all work out :)
i need the help, any help<3