I will never leave you.

i love you.




best friend.
my very best friend.
my handsome,
my smart,
my entertaining,
my trustworthy,
my truthful,
my gaga-obsessed,
best friend.

you my friend..
you are the best thing that ever happened to me.
i'm not even lying.
you are seriously my other half.
i can't even put it into words.

i like how we have crazy conversations,
and all of a sudden,
they are hella silly.
then they are hella serious.
then we laugh at something silly,
and it's just perfect.

i'm glad you can tell me the truth.
when i ask you, if you are okay,
and you say yes,
and i say,
don't lie to me.
you tell me straight up,
what's going on inside that head of yours.
you spill it.
and i listen.
i love that.

and i love that you know when something is wrong with me.
you just know.
i don't know how,
i thought i hide it well,
but obviously, you catch it.

i know you miss him.
and i know you love him with all your heart.
all of it.
i know.
but you can't go back to him.
don't even talk to him.
don't see him.
if you do,
mark my words -- you will fall right back into that downward cycle.
you will be back at square one.
i promise you.
i am not here to lie to you,
and sugarcoat shit.
i'm here being a real friend,
telling you it's going to suck for a bit,
but you'll pull through it.
you are strong.
a much stronger person than i am.

and i know in the car,
when i said if you go back to him,
that i will leave you.
i can't ever leave you.
i can be mad as fuck at you.
i can hire people to beat his ass.
i can make HELL for you.
just to make you safer.
just to make you think.
i won't ever leave you.

i
will
never
ever
leave
you.

just don't make it difficult for me,
and go back to him when he gets "well"
because he won't be "well" for awhile.
thanks :)

besides that,
don't you think i miss him?
my satan?
yes.
i miss him everyday.
e v e r y s i n g l e d a y.
i want to just say fuck it somedays,
and give in.
and go right back to where i was.
but other days,
when i have my head on right..

"Don’t waste your breath with baby baby please, Cause I am so not listening. Don’t. bother getting down upon your knees and try to beg me. I’m tired of how you twist the truth. You’re not talking to the same girl. Who used to forgive you. That girl is long gone. Boy you missed the boat it just sailed away. Long gone. She’s not drowning in her yesterdays. Betcha never thought I’d be that strong. Well this girl is long gone"

other days..

"You had it all for a pretty little while. And some how you made me smile when I was sad. You took a chance on a bruised and beaten heart. Then you realized you wanted what you had. I guess I should've been more like that. I should have held on to my pride. I should have never let you lie. I guess you got what you deserved. I guess I should've been more like her."

some days are better than others.
i genuinely wish you luck.

you asked me a question,
and i seriously almost cried for you.

you asked me if you will ever be fixed, because you are broken.
you asked me if you will ever be fixed, if it will ever happen.

i asked you if you thought i was fixed,
i'm still not fixed.
not entirely.
then i told you that one day,
when someone really loves you,
and you really love him back,
and he's not perfect,
you may fight and scream,
but nothing crazy big,
since you know, perfection doesn't exist,
he will find some duct tape,
and piece you back together.

i promise you one day, you will be okay.
you are not broken now.
you may be a little shook up,
but you are not broken.

i promise you one day, you meet someone,
and you're going to think,
why didn't i see this before?
this is how i'm suppose to be treated.

i love you.
with all my heart.
and i'd do anything for you.
when the day comes where we need to hide a body,
i'll be there :) lol
but you know what i mean.

i will never leave you.
and you can tell me anything.
just like you know every detail about me.

i'm here forever.
even when you don't want me to be.
you won't be alone,
i promise.
xoxo