It's not fair.

it's not fair.



i don't understand.
it's not fair.
it's not fucking fair.
seriously.
when am i going to be okay again?
i'm okay now.
but really.
when?
it pisses me off so bad.
that i still think about you.
it makes me so mad.
i don't want to.
i fight it as much as i can.
i try so hard.
stop fucking with me.
i'm a year older.
and i'm not taking your shit.

i may want to pin you up against a wall,
and i may want to rip those clothes off of you,
and i may want to fuck you senseless,
since obviously i enjoy being used,
but i'm not going to.

i can't go down that road again.
i can't do it.
i refuse.
i may want to,
but it takes all my willpower,
every single ounce,
not to.

and that's not fair.
it's not fair.

it makes me miss you so bad.
all of this, it makes me miss you.
and i DO NOT want to miss you.
i'm keeping myself busy again.
going out everyday.
getting my mind off of you.
but i still come home.
and i still can't sleep.
and i still think about you.
and it pisses me off.

i want to scream.
i want to throw everything.
i want to punch a wall.
because it's not fair.

when is it my turn?
when is it going to be my turn?
i've been through enough shit,
for something to work out.
i have.
i've fought.
and i've screamed.
and i've cried.
don't you think it's time for me to get a little back?
just something.
nothing monumental.
just something.

it's my turn.
and it's not fair.

besides that..
one of my best friend,
read ALL of my blogs.
from beginning to end.
best friend, i love you.
you seriously make life better.
i want to thank you for not judging me.
and thank you for being such an amazing friend.
seriously.
you mean so much to me.
and i know if i ever need any kind of help,
a shoulder to cry on,
a friend to chill with,
a friend to go crazy with,
a friend to rant and rave,
and a friend to help me hide the body,
you'll be there.
thank you.

xoxo