I miss you. I wish i got to know you.

i had the weirdest, most amazing dream last night.



it was about my father.
all of a sudden.
i don't dream about him often.
i only remember glimpes of him.
i don't remember his voice.
but i remember what he looked like and how he walked.
and how tall he was.

so my dream..

i was in vegas with friends,
my nana and mother.
i guess i was older, because i was gambling.
i was doing the slots and this guy sat next to me.
and i looked at him, in the dream,
and it looked exactly like my father.
and he looked at me,
and i asked him his name.
and it was my fathers name,
and i asked him how old he was,
and he said the same age my father would have been if he were still around.
and then i told him my name, and he just looked at me.
some reason, the dream all fastforwarded itself,
and we were at the hotel we were staying at,
and my father was all..
"i'm so sorry i left you. i had to go away for a little bit, but now that i found you again, i'll never leave you."
and the dream was so real.
like it's one of those dreams where it's so real and you never want to wake up.
i asked him where he lived.
and he said "fort mohave, arizona, the border of arizona and nevada"
and dream me knew exactlyyyy where that was
and real me has no idea where that is.
so i totally googled it, real me, and it's really next to the border of arizona and nevada!
i have no idea how dream me knew that.
and then the dream fast forwarded itself again,
and my father was hugging me,
and for some reason i saw a scar on his stomach,
and i asked how he got it,
and he said it happened when he was away for a little bit.
now, real me, telling my mother this dream, says he did have a scar on his stomach from a gun shot wound from when he was in the organized crime profession.
she had never told me that he ever had a scar, like how did dream me know that?

dream me knows a lot more then real me does. lol, like seriously.

so back in the dream,
he was hugging me, saying he will never leave me again, saying he will move closer to me to be in my life and apparently i was getting married or something, dream me was, and he wanted to walk me down the isle and have the father-daughter dance with me.
and in the dream, i remember crying, but it was happy tears.
i was so happy i found him again, and i was so happy he was in my life because i've missed him for so long. i'm such a daddy's girl.

and then i woke up.
and i was so upset.
and i tried to go back to sleep,
and dream more about it, and i couldn't.
don't you hate when that happens?

i wish my dream was real.
i wish he was still around and just.. he had to go away for awhile.
i've always thought that when i was little.
i always just thought.. he wasn't dead and he was just away.
and he would come back when he finished whatever he was doing.
but that's not the case,
and this is life,
and life happens.

i just wish i knew him better.
apparently dream me knows him better.
weirdd.

miss you dad.
and i know one day i will see you again.
xoxo