Someday when i stop loving you.

truth;
i'm afraid i'll never be put back together.



that so scares me.
will i ever feel that way again?
will i ever take risks again?
will i ever love someone that much ever again?

i'd hate it if i wasted it just on him.
i don't want it to be wasted.
but, it was wasted.

tonight,
i don't know why tonight,
i don't know why..
i don't know why.

tonight just got to me.
for some reason, it got to me.
it got to me bad.
like, it usually doesn't.
but tonight,
tonight i want to wrap myself in my blanket,
get in bed,
and just cry.

how fucking stupid is that.
i feel like crying.

mind you, i don't cry often.
but when it comes to you,
i don't even know.

i miss you too much.
and you are so bad for me.

what happened?
everything was going alright.
i was living with your decisions.
i was living with being second.
i was okay with it.
then one day..
i wasn't.
i didn't want to be second anymore.
then it all fell apart.
because i wanted to be first.
and i lost.

i'm okay.
i just want that feeling back.
not necessarily with you,
just that feeling back.

enough of this.
i'm done with it.
i'm just being ridiculous.
by the way,
it's not okay.
you don't deserve that.
i will kill him if he does it again.
death.
you are too amazing to be dealing with that.
he doesn't deserve you,
if he thinks that what he is doing to you,
is alright.
because it's not.
it's not okay.
don't think it is.
don't be like.. "its not that bad."
because it is.
xoxo