I know, I know, I know.

I miss you.




so many things have changed.
i know you have to make tough decisions.
i know they are tough.
i know you're going through a lot.
i know everything is falling to shit.
i know.
i know.
i know.


but don't forget about me okay.
don't NOT call me,
because he is around.
who cares if he is around?
yes.
me and him are not speaking.
we do not want to talk.
i'm pretty sure we want to
beat the fuck out of eachother.

but unlike him..
i'd put that aside.
because i love you.
and i won't change things.
because i am better than that.

so,
we're not spending new years together.
i know why you told me no.
i know.
i know.
i know.

i just don't like it.

i want you all to myself.
but you found someone.
someone that says he loves you.
and you want that new years kiss.
and you want to spend time with him
before he leaves
for his "extended vacation in a jail cell"
i know.
i know.
i know.

i'm not mad.
i'm disappointed.
because..
i'm leaving too.
i'm leaving right after him.
and you chose him.
he see's you ALL the time.
for fucks sake,
he lives with you.

i don't want us to not hang out,
because you're busy with him.
he has you all the time.
i do not.

i want us to be able to talk like before.
i don't want to hear his name.
i don't want you talking about him.
i'm tired of hearing it.
i know you feel you need to.
but i just don't care anymore.
i'm not going to convince you about stuff anymore.
i'm done convincing you.
it was just a waste of time.
and what did i get?
him hating me.
so i can't come over when he is there.
if me and him didn't get into a fight,
which i DO NOT take back,
he deserved everything i said to him.
and much more.
but i love you so i held back.
if him and i were talking,
i'd be over there.
for new years.
the three of us.
like it's suppose to be.

i'm glad he's leaving.
i'm sorry if it hurts you.
but he is pulling you down.
and changing us.
i know it's going to kill you when he leaves.
but IT IS for the best.
and you know it.

i love you more then life.
more then words.
you are my best friend.
and i will not lose you,
to some dirty old perverted mexican like him.
i won't.
get over it.
i will not do it.

i hope you have fun on new years.
i'll find other plans.
i'll find other people to bring in the new year with.
i just wish that person was you.

xoxo